guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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