butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
