Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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