so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
soo... how was my night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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