hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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