Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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