Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
why do cheetos always look like penises
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
