Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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