my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
