Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
