I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
