I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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