Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
