I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
