I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
