Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
