Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
