is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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