You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
