I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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