so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
