Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
