We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
