so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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