The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
