i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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