im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
