i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
