Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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