I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize