Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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