Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize