Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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