If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
