Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize