I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i will never coherently bang her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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