ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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