Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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