i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize