Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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