1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
