u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
