I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
