sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
