cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize