Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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