Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
