sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
