i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sober January is a disaster.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
