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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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