Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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