does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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