i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
