he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
