how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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