make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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