I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize