i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
