dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i've created a new STD.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
