First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
