So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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