Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
