your thong is hanging out like whoa
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
