That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
