so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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