official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
