Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
