Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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