I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
