Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
