I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
