what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
