Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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