Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
