Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
