I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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