guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
