"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize