A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We just shotgunned beers for America
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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