If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
