we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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