Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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