dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
