Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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